Previews: Juventus-Milan; an Exclusive Interview with Carlo Ancelotti

By: agiamba | May 8th, 2009

De Ceglie and Gio v. Becks and Dinho. Of course that won’t be the only matches going on the pitch, but it just goes to show you the differing transfer policies of the two clubs. Juventus prefers cheap young Italians and cheap bargain-bin players, whereas Milan prefers cheap faded glories. Pick your poison.

If you’d like to read, in the Andata, Gianfranco of the Milan Offside and I did a nice friendly preview where we analyzed either others teams and moaned about our own. Shortly before we spanked them 4-2, of course. While we haven’t done a collaborative version this time, instead of a preview, I am proud to announce that the Juventus Offside has secured an interview with none other than Carlo Ancelotti, current coach of Milan and ex-loser at Juventus. And yes, we conducted it in English. Sorry Gian….we’re just too big for you now.

So without further ado, here is the transcript.

Alessio: Hi Carlo, thanks for doing this with us. And thanks for two years of European failures and consecutive 2nd-place finishes.
Carlo: Fuck you.
Alessio: Love the passion. So Carlo, how is it over at Milan coaching the Galacticos of 2003….only in 2009?
Carlo: Eh. We’ve hired an Asian masseuse 24/7 for Paolo, tried the same for Nesta but he didn’t respond too well. Between Inzaghi’s kidney stones and Gattuso breaking his hand falling into the dugout, it’s a pain in the ass, I gotta tell you.
Alessio: Given the last few transfer seasons in which you preferred Dida over Buffon, and signed Sheva, Dinho, and Kaka’s little brother…
Carlo: (interrupting): That’s all Gallani’s bullshit, man. Hey, do they say “man” as slang in London?”
Alessio: Y’know, I’ve really never been. Couldn’t tell you.
Carlo: (pensively) I need to get a book on this stuff…
Alessio: Check out urbandictionary. So what are your plans for tomorrow?
Carlo: Christmas tree, son. 4-3-2-1, it helps me learn how to count in English. Right now Inzaghi is unbenchable. Have you seen him? He’s been taking his vitamins, helps to avoid the kidney stones. Maybe he can chat with Molinaro a bit, I hear he’s been suffering recently. It’s all that milk, man, you gotta cut it out of that diet. I kicked the habit back my 2nd time around at Parma.
Alessio: Parma; Prosciutto or Formaggio?
Carlo: Formaggio. But the ham is pretty good, too. I was having an argument with Paloschi about it…he insisted that Milan’s meat was better. Ha! Sent his ass on loan there just to prove it. I just hope he brings up his argument about Risotto being better than Mexican burritos. How do you say “Can I buy a surgical mask,” in Spanish?
Alessio: “Puedo yo comprar una mascarilla?”
Carlo: Nice. Let me write that down.

I swear, we were in the same room and everything.

Alessio: So who is going to be lining up in defense? You know, you’re gonna have to invest pretty heavily in defense this summer. Nesta and Maldini out…and Janks, Kaladze, and Zambrotta aren’t too young.
Carlo: What kind of journalist are you? One question at a time, God. And don’t lecture me on defense, I’ve been…(looks up phrase on urbandictionary) “barking up that tree” for years now. What the hell does “barking up a tree” mean?”
Alessio: I don’t really know. It’s just kind of a phrase.
Carlo: Cool. But yeah, with the boss busy in politics and now getting divorced, I’m not sure if it’s gonna happen. Let me tell you, his wife is gonna sue the pants off of him! I keep telling him: Silvio, pre-nup! Pre-nup! As for Sunday, I’m thinking Maldini-Favalli in the middle, and Flamini and Zambrotta on the flanks. Maybe Janks, depending on how much of a bitch Mathieu is about Arsenal losing in the semis.
Alessio: And the rest of the team?
Carlo: That question wasn’t creatively staged. But fine, here you go. Beckham, Pirlo, Ambrosini, Kaka, Seedorf, and Inzaghi up top. Of course, maybe I’m just throwing shit out there to confuse the media. See, Jose, I can manipulate too? Just kidding, I like you Alessio. If Pato’s raring to go, maybe a 4-3-1-2 with Seedorf swapping out for the wonder boy. We know how much your team loves counters and offside traps. Pato and Inzaghi are going to have some fun tearing your defense apart. We’re going to stomp you.
Alessio: 0-0, 3-2, 4-2, jackass.
Carlo: Oh yeah? 3-3, 3-2, 1-1, 2-2, 2-2. Have you seen our streak? WWWWW, bitch.
Alessio: Your English vocabulary is impressive.
Carlo: Thanks. Want to give me some insight on the Juventus lineup?
Alessio: Sure. 4-4-2. Molinaro has kidneystones and this, which I only can assume is some kind of cocktail of all the injuries we’ve had all season, so he’s out. Brazzo, Marchisio, Sissoko, and Knezevic are all injured, while Grygera, Legrottaglie, and Chiellini are fighting to make full fitness. Nedved and Mellberg are suspended. I’m thinking this- Buffon; Zebina, Legrottaglie, Chiellini, De Ceglie; Camoranesi, Zanetti, Tiago, Giovinco; Iaquinta, Del Piero
Carlo: Brazzo, is that some kind of new STD?
Alessio: No, it’s the guy who’s 5′9″ (1.77m for you crazy metric people) and somehow managed to score a header against you on a set piece…
Carlo: We’ve always sucked at set pieces.
Alessio: I know. So we’ve got Milan’s recent form, your lineup, what else is there?
Carlo: Am I getting paid to do this interview?
Alessio: You are not.
Carlo: Damn. I’ll just say give Maldini some props since it’s his last game out there, and watch out for SuperPippo. I swear to God, he just cracks me up. He taps in the goddamn ball against a team like Reggina and acts like he just scored a screamer in the Champion’s League final! I die everytime.
Alessio: Speaking of the Champion’s League final, it’s in Rome. You’ve always talked about moving there to coach i Lupi, when is that going to happen?
Carlo: This summer, I hope. We just gotta get Spalletti to move his ass. London’s cuisine is nothing next to a nice gelato in the Piazza della Repubblica. Or a panino sitting on the Spanish steps. Or a nice dinner of linguine al pesto washed down with a nice glass of wine…
Alessio: We get it. Rome’s food is awesome, London, despite being a cosmopolitan city, has food whose poor quality is only rivaled by its’ women.
Carlo: Exactly.
Alessio: Thanks for doing this interview. One last question…if Spalletti stays, Real or Chelsea?
Carlo: Not really sure. How’s the tapas in Madrid?
Alessio: Pretty good, though to be honest, Spanish olives are inferior to Italian ones.
Carlo: Maybe I can bring some over with me…
Alessio (interrupting): I’m sorry, we’re out of time.
Carlo: Although I hear easyJet charges for checked bags now…I wonder how much they’d charge for a bag full of olives…

There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. A fascinating interview with a fascinating man. May the best team (read: Juventus) win this Sunday!

Some Related Juventus Posts:

Category: Team News

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patcook

"Maybe that he’s gone from being a skilled honest player to a diving, cheating, whining bitch."

LOL, so he's gone from being Brazilian to Italian
Armando

And just for the record, i'm not disrespecting Maldini whatsoever by saying that. I just want to make it clear that i think Chiellini also has a lot of respect, and i think he's bigger/stronger/tougher than Maldini. Chiellini's a big guy, not to mention Maldini's 40+ years old. I have all the respect in the world for Maldini though.
Armando

I have all the respect in the world for Maldini, but people give Chiellini a bad rap and he doesnt deserve it. He's a good honest player, who gets the job done. I saw that Pato got pissed at him too. And although i respect Maldini, Chiellini's much stronger and tougher than him in my opinion. Maldini's just a well respected legend, and Chiellini showed alot of respect for him by not fighting back in my opinion.

And Alessio, why do you think Chiellini was below par and Camoranesi was only average. Chiellini made some crucial tackles, such as the one-on-ones with Pato and Ronaldinho, and overall was a brick wall in defense yesterday. We only conceded when Milan got behind him with a suprise counterattack. And Camoranesi was simply Messi-like. In the beginning of the match he was giving away the ball a bit with some bad passes, but he quickly got into the game and was the best player on the pitch tonight for either side. So much so that Milan literally had multiple players marking him, because he was taking on Pirlo, Zambro, etc one-on-one and winning pretty much every time, and seemingly pretty easily too. Not to mention that he provided the assist for Iaquinta's goal. Camoranesi was in great form yesterday.
agiamba

Maybe that he's gone from being a skilled honest player to a diving, cheating, whining bitch.
Johonna

Really, he punched Kaka? What is it about that guy (Kaka that is) that makes people want to punch him? I mean, I am not even a violent person and even I sort of want to take a swing at him.

What do you bet that Maldini is a bit of a hero for Chiellini? I know it would scare me to have a living legend - someone I idolized - come up and grab me in anger. Yikes. And Maldini was pissed.
alex

ive never seen chiellini look slightly worried but when maldini grabbed him he had the look of fear in his eyes but who wouldnt, paolo could fuck you a 1000 different ways and you would still thank him for it
adam

Oh and the whole Maldini-Chiellini incedent was over Chiellini punching Kaka after missing out on a header.
agiamba

Fair enough. I don't think Ranieri is going to stay, I think he'll leave by "mutual consent" the two words that are absolute horseshit in calcio. I'm a fan of his, but his time is up and I think the management has realized it. Cobolli's contract is up in the summer, too.
alex

always loved napoli because of maradona/ferrara back in the day, but milan and juve really got me into italian football, along with a dose of rui costa and batistuta, so i will always have respect for them.

another reason i want to see juve and milan do well, i fucking despise inter. i enjoy seeing certain teams flounder such as lazio and of course roma.
agiamba

its not so much that i care but it pisses me off seeing juventus and milan being mismanaged when i have grown up watching them

I dunno man, I enjoyed seeing Inter fuck up every year even though they spent a ton of money.

And I would love Conte. Prefer Gasperini for now, but Conte would be awesome.
alex

and last but not least, i dont know how a juve fan could be opposed to antonio conte taking over next season?!
alex

i dont know why a juve fan posts on the roma, fiorentina, milan and inter blogs it just happens i guess. a real juve fan wouldnt even be civil with any of them.

i can remember back to when platini and scirea played for you, it gives me a little bit of an opinion on juventus surely?

i dont know how an ardent juve supporter who actually writes blogs isnt screaming for the managements heads seeing as though they have absolutely no idea what they are doing.

its not so much that i care but it pisses me off seeing juventus and milan being mismanaged when i have grown up watching them
agiamba

Ranieri is a horrible tactician and the line up he put out today was pathetic.

The lineup he sent out was to take advantage of Milan's small physical stature and age. Iaquinta's pace, the power of Amauri, Iaquinta, Zanetti, and Poulsen, quite obvious he wanted us to outmuscle. It's worked fantastically in the past, it was the right tactic yesterday even though I agree Gio should have started over Marchionni.

you need to sack ranieri and secco bigtime. what they have done to juventus is an absolute disgrace.

I still don't get why a Napoli fan cares. If I was an anti-Juventino, (or Napoli fan) I'd be in absolute delight with the Juve management.
alex

you need to sack ranieri and secco bigtime. what they have done to juventus is an absolute disgrace. ranieri will play molinaro every match he can although hes one of the worst players ive seen in a juventus shirt, but he wont play giovinco?! he plays marchionni?!! absolute madness
adam

MOTM for me is Flamini.

Ranieri is a horrible tactician and the line up he put out today was pathetic. Why does he even bother putting in any strikers?

Nothing positive came out of this match for us yet Ranieri says we are getting back to our best. I saw nothing good come out of our team, we barely created anything and since when did a Juve draw become a good result. Ranieri should just take his "play for the draw" tactics back to a relegation team cause for the millionth time at the millionth club he proved that he just is good enough.
mickey corsano

AHHH THIS IS GREAT!!!! WOW juve you actually did us a favor for once, whats even better is to finally here these arrogant fools accept the inevitable!!!
patcook

"They could spectacularly rain on Juve’s parade the same way they did Milan’s last season."

"I didn’t say it was the same thing."

You can see how i was confused
Johonna

I didn't say it was the same thing. Someone said they weren't afraid of Fiorentina overtaking Juve - I just said that it could happen.

Yikes.
patcook

Really, Fiorentina are only three points behind you. They could spectacularly rain on Juve’s parade the same way they did Milan’s last season.

Last season they put Milan in 5th Johanna, thats a little different to putting Juve in 4th, if they do indeed succeed in making up the gap. CL, no CL? i can see how you thought it was the same thing lol
agiamba

Alright, a little harsh on Chiellini. Not crap, but I've been a bit disappointed with him this season.

Just wanted to add one more thing. In the last few weeks we're we've been shit, we've scored a good amount of goals that should win us matches (3 against Chievo, 2 against Genoa, 2 against Lecce/Reggina) but lost, obviously because our defense was leaking goals. That's not a surprise, given that Ariaudo, Mellberg, and PDC were all starting. I'm not necessarily knocking them, (PDC played well today) but throwing them all in together is going to be tough.

I think today showed one thing we've been missing. Legro+Chiellini. Milan had very few clear-cut chances. They have not started together this entire last 2 months or so except for one game, against Inter where we conceded (again) on the counterattack. But remember Inter also had only a few clear cut chances against us. We need those two to be healthy, they really hold our defense together.
agiamba

I couldn't disagree mroe, Armando. I thought Camoranesi was average and Chiellini was crap. He put in some decent challenges and stepped up alright, but there were 2-3 times where he was just plain beaten by Kaka and Inzaghi. No good.

My MOTM is Iaquinta, no doubt.
roberto

Btw, anyone think Buffon could've challenged Pippo for the ball on Seedorf's goal? He was really wide right though I guess. What a fluke Ambrossini's shot goes right to Clarence's foot on that one too.
roberto

My vote for our man of the match would have to be Iaquinta. The man never gave up today and showed why he belongs with Juventus. Camoranesi gets my second place vote. Tonight helped him get back on track.
Armando

Who does everyone think was the best player today though? Personally, i think it had to be Camoranesi and Chiellini. Chiellini was unbreachable in the defense tonight, including a smart tackle on Ronaldinho in the box, and Camoranesi, simply put, was Messi-like. In the very start of the match he gave the ball away with some bad passes, but after that he was constantly beating Pirlo, Zambrotta, etc one on one, so much so that they ended up ganging up on him, and still having trouble. Not to mention he provided the assist, a nice cross for Iaquinta's goal.
Armando

Ranieri needs to be fired. Badly. With Nedved out, this is the perfect chance to start Giovinco, in a big game too, which he's done well in, such as the first game against Milan earlier this season, as well as against Chelsea. And instead, what does Ranieri do? He starts Marchionni on the left. Granted, Marchionni wasnt too bad, but Giovinco shouldve played ahead of him. Also, he shouldve put on ADP earlier.
tom

Ranieri is very satisfied.

http://www.channel4.com/sport/...

Well, what is new?
Johonna

Really, Fiorentina are only three points behind you. They could spectacularly rain on Juve's parade the same way they did Milan's last season.
roberto

I'm with Nnahoj I just want this season to be done with so we can start on next year's efforts.
Nnahoj

I guess giving the lineup they played ok. I would have liked to see us go for the win rather than settle for the point but, like I said earlier, at this point of the season it doesn't really matter. I honestly don't think Fiorentina will catch us in 3rd.

I just want this season to be done with. It's been too depressing.
Johonna

I am an only child and my family all likes stupid games like Baseball and American football. They all think I am crazy.

So, Are you guys happy with the way the team played?
Weston (@wpazzurri)

i live in South Carolina, nobody for miles can even spell football except for some of my friends and they all like man utd!
agiamba

I wish we had gone for the kill, but I'm not claiming we were going for the draw. Marchionni and Camo looked completely exhausted after about 75, and Iaquinta had been running his ass off on every long ball.
Nnahoj

My eldest brother is a Barca fan. The rest of my fam don't care about football.
Nnahoj

Yeah I know it's terrible! Not surprisingly we aren't that close (though that might have more to do with personality than club allegiances).
roberto

Last three games for us Atalanta, Siena, and Lazio. Hopefully, Milan loses next week to on-form Udinese and Fiorentina slips up against Sampdoria.
agiamba

No shit, nnahoj. Your brother is an Interista? That's awful. Most of my family are Juventini, but most of them are very casual, probably couldn't name most of our team. Only non-Bianconero is a few cousins (bari) and my brother who's a Romanista.....but I just get to talk shit to him all the time, pretty much.
Nnahoj

Yeah my brother, an Interista, was cheering on Juve all game. I told him no need to because neither Milan nor Juve care about the Scudetto at this point. We're all resigned to the fact that Inter are going be champs again.
agiamba

I thought Zebina was pretty good minus one incident.
roberto

yea not funny Johonna. But I love those chocolates.
Johonna

And a whole bunch of great big BACI Juve.